![]() Y'know, man, if witch burnings would've been legal, we would've all been dead now, y'know? People don't realise where we really came from, y'know? What an isolated hellhole it really is.The tension from school had an effect on me, and the train scared me enough to try to rehabilitate myself, and my-my lifting weights and-and mathematics seemed to be improving, so I became less manically depressed, but still never had any friends because I-I hated everyone, for they were so phony. And the train came closer and closer and closer, and it went on the next track besides me instead of over me. … And so, during lunch, a rumour started, and by the next day, everyone was waiting for me, to yell and cuss and spit at me, calling me "the retard fucker." I couldn't handle the ridicule, so I got high and drunk and walked down to the train tracks, and laid down and put two big pieces of cement on my chest and legs and I waited for the eleven o-clock train. And I wasn't going out of this world without knowing what it was actually like to get laid. I decided within the next month, I'll not sit on my roof and think about jumping, but I'll actually kill myself. ![]() It turned out that pot didn't help me to escape my troubles too well anymore and I was actually enjoying doing rebellious things like stealing booze and busting store windows.Oh, boy-pot! I could escape all day long and not have routine nervous breakdowns. Then one day I discovered the most ultimate form of expression ever: marijuana. I accumulated quite a healthy complex, not to mention a complexion."Oh, poor little kid." It bothered me probably more so because I was horny and frequently had to make up stories like, "Oh, when I went on vacation, I met this chick and we fucked and she loved it." Et cetera, et cetera. In a community that stresses macho male sexual stories as a highlight of all conversation, I was an underdeveloped, immature little dude that never got laid and was constantly razzed.And I don't know how anybody deals with having your whole family reject you. It's almost like he didn't-he didn't feel worthy because he was rejected, basically.I think the sad part of the whole thing is that Kurt just really wanted to be with his mom. ![]()
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